April 9, 2019

I hate being in Target now with my babies. Since it’s like a constant Christmas for both kids and adults, it’s easy for one of us to be distracted by the newest display or latest toy fad and I worry one of my little people may skip from my view. The more crazy this world gets, the more this makes my heart sink. I wonder when I’ll feel comfortable enough for my child to go to the bathroom by herself? Why I no longer imagine them riding their bikes in our very safe neighborhood safely? How I don’t imagine letting myself run alone anymore? It’s an unsettling feeling- a world where I don’t want to raise my children in- a time where I find myself asking for Jesus to come NOW because fear consumes and anxious thoughts permeate most days. I couldn’t sleep last weekend when news broke about Samantha Josephson. I put myself in her place and then I put my daughter there and I wept. What’s next? How do you cope or reason this? I went to God. I don’t think His word pours out of me in these situations because I know I don’t get to understand on this side of heaven BUT I do get the reminder of His goodness and His faithfulness despite the tragedy and the horror that surrounds me. God is still good even when people are not. God is still faithful even when people are faithless. God is still God- even when Satan walks into our lives and evil wins. Because Satan may win a battle, but he will never win the war. So I cry over the fact that my sense of security is ripped away and I pray for the young girl who did nothing wrong and didn’t have a chance, but I also work to trust, to put my faith in a story that doesn’t end- and a promise that goodness will prevail. I suppose in Heaven - I’ll live in a world of no boundaries and all goodness. Where kids and mommas and families and neighbors walk in peace and love in complete awe of a God who somehow, someway made all the bad work for good. That if there is a Target or there are bikes- we will roam freely and safely- that there won’t be a need to ask what is my name- because we are in the constant love and arms of a God who named us himself. And the only name we have to go by- is HIS. Constant peace. Eternal good. Amen.

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